Arrogance

Monday, when Jennifer went back to work, she logged onto the board during her lunch hour, and saw that Jon had left her a PM. She hadn’t wanted anything to do with Richie, and that included avoiding Jon.

PM FROM BILLY THE KIDD TO THE GODDESS HATHOR:
How're you and Rich? I haven’t heard from him in a couple days; I assume you have him locked up in your bedroom? Tell him to relax and unclench. He called me a couple of days ago...and uh...well...let's just say he was less than happy with me.

Jennifer’s eyes teared up. Richie didn’t say anything to Jon about them breaking up. Typical. Well, she wasn’t going to do it for him.

PM FROM THE GODDESS HATHOR TO BILLY THE KIDD:
Sorry about that.

PM FROM BILLY THE KIDD TO THE GODDESS HATHOR:
No need to apologize. I'm quite deserving of his anger, considering how many buttons I was pushing the other night. But I owed him. No offense taken and T's the only one I want. (No offense).

Besides, the day I can't handle Sambora is the day I pack up and move to Antarctica. He went off, and I told him he was being an idiot.

Don't get mad at that, it was my turn for the name calling.

PM FROM THE GODDESS HATHOR TO BILLY THE KIDD:
No offense taken, and I already know he’s an idiot. I have no doubt you can "handle" him -- Christ -- you've been doing it forever. Doesn't mean I'm still not sorry that he lashed out at you.

PM FROM BILLY THE KIDD TO THE GODDESS HATHOR:
Don't apologize. Really. I pushed the buttons hoping to make him mad. It worked.

Don't ask why I did it. Just accept the benefits and move on.

PM FROM THE GODDESS HATHOR TO BILLY THE KIDD: :
"benefits"?!? Are you fucking insane?

Do you know how mad at me he was? If you can call a raging case of self-doubt joined by sleepless nights, feelings of inadequacy, stupidity, and depression "benefits"...

You are one fucked up individual, Jon.

With that, she went to bed. What the hell was wrong with these people?

The next afternoon, she saw Jon had answered her back. She wasn’t sure she wanted to read anything he had to say, but the curiosity got the better of her, and she had to click the little envelope icon.

PM FROM BILLY THE KIDD TO THE GODDESS HATHOR:
Jen, I have to start by saying that I don't usually explain myself and usually don't have to, because for the most part I'm either dealing with people that know me so well they understand why I do something, or I'm dealing with people that I don't care whether they understand why I did something. So, I'm asking that you try to be patient while I do something I don't normally do.

Richie is a major commitment-phobe, since the divorce with Heather. Hell, you should know that already. He says things like...I love her, I wanna marry her....etc. But, when it comes down to the brass tacks he runs. Or, he'll do something to make her leave. I've watched it happen several times. I wasn't going to stand by while he fucked up the best thing that's EVER happened to him. So, I pushed him.

I made him see just how important you were to him. C'mon Jen. Think. I'm his best friend. His brother. Even if he didn't trust you, don't you think he would've trusted ME? Isn't that just a little bit telling on it's own? The fact that he got all jealous and threw a tantrum, even though he knew...KNEW...that I wouldn't touch you for ANY thing. And not just because of T. Because believe me when I say this, as much as she means to me...and that's a hell of a lot...Richie means more. So, as tempting as you are, doll. You're not tempting enough to make me lose all reason and risk Richie's friendship and loyalty. Thanks but no thanks. And he knows that.

But, he lost his mind in a jealous fit. Then had to spend some time wondering if he'd lost you and knowing how he'd feel if he had. Now, he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he can't live without you, and he's more afraid of living without you than committing to you.

So, there ya go. You're welcome.

Oh, and by the way....

Cheryl, my assistant, still has a job because she didn't fuck up a damn thing. There weren't any hotel reservations to fuck up.

Oh, but thanks again for your hospitality.

PM FROM THE GODDESS HATHOR TO BILLY THE KIDD::
You arrogant, son-of-a-bitch.

When you fuck with my life, well-being, sanity, and sense of self-worth, you fucking well owe me an explanation; I don’t give a shit who you THINK you are. I don't care if Mr. Big Shot Know-it-all Rock Star thinks his shit don't stink and "you either know me or I don't care what you think". You fucked with me, Jon, and I don't like it. I don't put up with people, even well meaning people, even the best friends of the people who mean most to me, interfering in MY life.

You said flat out that you pushed his buttons on purpose. Did you even THINK what that would do to ME? Nope, because outside your own little circle of people you love and trust, the rest of us don't mean shit. Fine. I can accept and understand that. Either that or you'd just assume that I "got what you were doing" and be all on-board with it. Or you thought I wouldn't push back. Well guess what, sweetheart? You thought wrong.

Boy do you underestimate me. I am not one of the Koolaid-drinking crowd who think blindly that all you touch is gold and that everything you do is right.

Yeah, Einstein, I know about Richie's commitment phobia. Do you think after the shit I went through with *ugh* Brandon, that I would be any different? Did it not occur to you to think why I was pushing back on relocating to LA (he hinted, but never came right out and asked, and I pointedly ignored the hints). NO. Of course not. 'Cause I'm outside that little chalk circle you've drawn around your life.

So, to HELP me, what you did was push me blindly into a situation where I had to deal with jealousy, anger and a sense of betrayal with no warning because you wanted to make sure that HE didn't screw something up. Guess what, big shot, it is screwed up. He wasn't anywhere near to fucking things up with me -- at least not from where I'm standing, and to tell you the truth, that's the only perspective that counts. Yours means less than a cockroach’s.

Of course he SHOULD have trusted you. He SHOULD have trusted me, too. He should not have gone off on either of us, but now I see that you made it a point to make sure he did. Who fucking died and made you God?

I suppose I should thank you..... your pre-emptive strike did nothing but solidify in my mind that manipulation and underhandedness is the only way to deal with him, and frankly, that just isn't me, and I don't need that much drama in my life. It's fucked up enough without trying to figure out how to make him learn a lesson he should be willing to embrace on his own. I don't want someone in my life who is only there because his friend bullied him into it.

The fact that he got all jealous and threw a tantrum over something you did must make you feel good; that you have that kind of control over another person. Good for you.

And I don't give a rat's ass if I WAS tempting enough for you. You may be nice to look at, but you have never done it for me. Sorry to burst your bubble there pal, but regardless of what YOU would have wanted or not, I did not, and do not, want you.

So I'm really happy for him that he knows that he "can't live without me". Great. So what if it only cost me a little bit of self-esteem. As long as YOU'RE happy with the results, I guess that's all that matters.

And wait a minute... You came to my house fully intending to do this shit just to fuck with Richie? After I opened my home to you? Man, you are a piece of work.

But let me tell you something.....if you expect me to kiss your ass in thanks, well you can kiss mine.

You had NO right to fuck with me. None whatsoever.

You are no longer welcome in my home or in my life.